You just never know

I sit and watch the show with tears whelling up in my eyes and spilling over onto my cheeks and down underneath my chin. I have to wipe them away and yet, they keep coming. They are coming from somewhere so deep inside I can't stop them. I am now home and sitting on a comfortable couch with a warm blanket wrapped around me. My new puppy is done chewing things up for the time being and sleeping next to me. She is just getting ready for her next round of destruction. The TV is rambling about something and after a quick glance I see its Ace of Cakes. I went to two churches today as is sometime the case with my job. I was at a Presbyterian church this morning where they focused on the Baptist of Jesus and I couldn't help remembering my own baptism. I think I was 13 years old and I was at a church in Costa Mesa, CA called Costa Mesa Church of Christ. I had on the white robe and was welcomed into the warmed water of the baptismal by my own father. He asked me if I believed in Jesus. I said yes. He said that because of my belief I was following Jesus' example and being baptized. He let me pinch my nose and then he sort of had me fall backward (or rather lean backward against his arm) under the water as he said, "I now baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost." So, I thought about that today. Then and now I still have that memory clouded with the fact that when we joined in the fellowship hall afterward, everyone in the youth group said they could see through my white robe when I came back up out of the water. UGH! Ok, fine.... but when I went to my own church at 11am today I discovered we were talking about the Lord's prayer. Roy a few times something I want to remember so I am writing it here. He was talking about our Father and how we should actually be saying My Father. My Father who is closer to me than the air. I have to think about that. Closer to me than the air I breathe. Closer than the air entering into my lungs and causing my chest to rise and fall. Closer than that. Inside of me. Filling me. Pushing me. I told someone today the succeession I took from homelessness to prison to a new family to Kansas City. My Father was there every step of the way. My air. Breathe.

Glenn is going through something right now. He doesn't know what it is. He can't figure it out. He doesn't want to go away and he can't figure out what is wrong. And he loves me. He loves our family. I am giving it to MY FATHER to deal with. For real, no take backs.

2011 is going to be different. We are having an open house on Monday and I hope everyone comes. I only have 6 more classes to finish my degree. Still, that is going on all the time behind the scenes. God is going continue to use me. I used to think I needed to write a book. I just don't always have the details and events straight in my mind anymore. I do know that I wish Marina was in our lives instead of on the fringe. It makes my heart ache. But she is beautiful. I discovered this week that she has a facebook but has Ruby and I blocked from it. You know you have to actually type someones name into the settings to make that happen. Anyway, it hurts. I have Ruby and Ceylor and Glenn.

Oh I got new wheels on my car. I know they came just in time thanks to my Dad. Yes, the same Dad who baptized me. What a memory.