FROM DARKNESS TO LIGHT

Listening, slowing down

2012-01-23T14:20:00.000-08:00

Slowing down is the "it" thing with me right now. I realized my brain says go, go, go but my body says "what the hell are we doing moving" after I attempt the things my brain said we were going to do. I want Ceylor in after school activities, Ruby in after school activities, Jill/Panda to MOMMY program, my laundry done, oh.....and my stomach to quit hurting.

Then reality sets in and I get off work and go home. Sit down, and then have to lay down, with barely more than that possible to do. I want this to be over. This is my reliance on God time. He is the one running the show and instead of figuring everything out, it's time to ask for HELP.

I am tired EVERYDAY. I want to take Ruby on a one on one trip, but I need her to drive so I can recline the seat and not sit up....but is that realistic with a new driver, she would say YES I'm sure.

Just tired........

Art

2012-01-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

I think its time to get the paint out. Having health issues has made me remember the awesome things in life I used to do. Here is a sampling..........

More Art in the House

2012-01-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

Ruby and Jill when Ruby was 7 years old. Mixed Media with glitter confetti and its called ROCK and ROLL

Ruby (I think) with Jill. Ruby age 7.

Marina's "Rainbow Road"

Marina's mixed media with paint and beads lining the black lines.

Art in the House

2012-01-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

This is mixed media with beads, paint, and pieces of magazine.

This was done completely by Ceylor. It is acrylic and sand.

This is Jill's. Acrylic, sand, Hersey Kisses foils, and magazine cuts.

Half Ruby Half Ceylor

Jill's with fur from a stuffed animal, beads, sand, acrylic, and toilet paper dyed and glued.

Half Stacy Half Marina

Stacy's Watercolor Crayons with Psalms 19

2012-01-02T13:01:00.001-08:00

2012-01-02T12:59:00.003-08:00

2012-01-02T12:59:00.001-08:00

2012-01-02T12:58:00.001-08:00

Hope its not a midlife crisis

2012-01-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

I was given a gift certificate to get salon services at Beauty Brands. I thought about it a long time. I almost got a perm. I knew I wanted bangs again, but when I left the shop, I also had purple highlights in my hair. These weren't subtle-underneath-in-the-back kind of highlights either. These were violet bright-on-the-top of my head and through my bangs PURPLE. I like it. My daughter asked me if I knew how old I was and that it is something only teenagers do. Oh well. I falls out in about 2 months.

I am still healing. It is not something that happens overnight at all.

Down time

2011-12-01T17:40:00.001-08:00

A special moment

Grateful Life---Not my Words all over town.

2011-11-29T07:28:00.000-08:00

Bring it ON! Not just a dab of oil .... but a full blown covering of anoiting and bathed in the oil. I receive it!

Matthew 8

The Message (MSG)

Matthew 8:1-4

1-2 Jesus came down the mountain with the cheers of the crowd still ringing in his ears. Then a leper appeared and went to his knees before Jesus, praying, "Master, if you want to, you can heal my body."

3-4Jesus reached out and touched him, saying, "I want to. Be clean." Then and there, all signs of the leprosy were gone. Jesus said, "Don't talk about this all over town. Just quietly present your healed body to the priest, along with the appropriate expressions of thanks to God. Your cleansed and grateful life, not your words, will bear witness to what I have done."

I refuse this oppression from the pit. I am a carrier of the POWER of God Himself. I am excited to see what great things God is doing with me on the other side of this. I will be stronger than ever and more capable than ever to do His Will for those I am in service to and with. I will go quietly with a renewed mind, body, and soul to do whatever he wants of me.

OK, refocus again.

2011-11-26T15:05:00.000-08:00

This healing stuff is wearing me out. It's emotional for a go-get-everything-done-right-now-person like myself. I am realizing I do too much and never realized there was something wrong with my body. I finished my tiles I've been working on then my friend came and accidently broke many of them before they got fired. UGH! Oh well. My kids will be home tomorrow and I miss them so much.

A friend shared something with me when she learned I have been racking my brain wondering and praying if I am doing what I should be doing. it was great.

What TO DO when Youre not sure what TO DO next.

SO after I had a complete and utter melt down at 1am in the morning and cried until 3am over.....I have no idea what, I am reminded, I am not supposed to be doing anything but waiting and healing. WOW! Funny how I like to forget that over and over. Thats just where I'm at AGAIN today.

Not so great today

2011-11-18T11:01:00.001-08:00

Today is not so great, but grateful for living and being able to have a home for my family and a great husband.

Tile a day

2011-11-17T07:29:00.001-08:00

Trying my patience while "waiting"

2011-11-16T09:28:00.000-08:00

Sometimes its just too hard. Yesterday I started this post and my phone was acting up and "forceclosed" on me so many times I gave up. Today, things are better. I realized there are so many people around me who care. So many people who want to do life with me. In the morning a friend came and hooked up my kitchen faucet so it wouldn't leak anymore. Later I got an email from a friend checking on me. Then, I got a text asking if someone could bring dinner over on Thursday night. DUH! Awesome! Then found out there was someone making a calendar online for others from church to do the same. (Bring dinner that is.) Then, I went and picked up my disability paperwork. BAM! Yep, hit an emotional brick wall.....made it through that.

BUT today is different. I have to stay focused on stress free activities that don't require bending or crunching my waist. I think that might be a nap, and it will also be messing with my tiles I created yesterday. I have no idea what I am doing with them. I don't even know if they will survive. It's more of a glazing experiment. I wonder if it gets hot enough in the kiln to melt these colors of glass. We shall see. If I just put one a day on here I will be back to work by the time I am done.

YEP---I took a hammer to all of these vases. Nothing personal but it sure felt good. I love the sound of breaking glass. I can't wait to see what happens. I discovered the red and orange one were just colored film over clear glass so it may not do what I want it to do. We shall see.

I have no idea what I am doing with these. Some of those flowers were taken from arrangements given to me in the hospital. They are cool looking. I think one of them was actually an herb. There was a sweet smell as I pressed them into the clay. Did I mention I have no idea what I'm doing. Oh yea, "waiting".

Marina, Ruby, Ceylor, and Pandora

2011-11-12T07:19:00.001-08:00

Its amazing how life can change. All the years of praying for Marina and now she is here. My sister moved here 6 months ago pregnant, so now we have Pandora. So blessed. Right now I am off work and its proving to be the greatest challenge for me. I need to heal, my colon perforated and required emergency surgery. So, hello blog. I have ignored you for 9 months of 2011 and it has been a most insane year. Here are some milestones in picture format.

Walking the Talk

2011-03-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

Is it enough to walk the walk? I heard someone say recently that they need to hear the talk that goes with the walk to believe a persons heart. Today I read in Revelation 12. It was strange and there was a serpent and the devil and a river and angels and a war and then the testimony. Those who share their God story. Those who share their testimony given by the grace of God through Jesus. I have one of those. It says those who share that testimony will be chased after by the devil to destory. Hummmmmmmmmm. Doesn't sound too fun. Sunday is going to be such a day. Going to a church and given the entire sermon portion of the service. It will be a beautiful day. But, the Bible doesn't say that. It says I will be stalked and pursued and I'm wondering what that will look like. I will be on guard and please pray me in and through it. I love you all.

Put your feet to the fire

2011-03-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

Not really interested in having it hard. Nor do I feel like making my life harder than it already is. Not trying to stir the pot or smoke the pot or any other sort of mischief staring-making-tripping-type-behavior. There was a time when that was not the case. I have usually been the type of person who watched people. A PEOPLE WATCHER IF YOU WILL. I could sit and observe people at mall, amusement parks, workplace, restaurants, churches, playgrounds, sporting events, well you get the idea. I wanted to see what was acceptable and knew what made others stand out. Funny that it always seemed to be the people doing the right thing that stood out.

I was watching a show on the new OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) that aired "What would you Do?" It showcased different social settings walking down a sidewalk-standing in line at the pharmacy-etc-etc. In each scene there was an actor doing something that others were observing and they either A) walked on by B) Did nothing C) stopped and helped D) noticed and still ignored the situation. It was amazing how rare the case that someone did the right thing. There was a child sitting on the sidewalk crying and asking for help and no one stopped to help. They kept right on walking. AMAZING! But, that was the norm.

^10-11Who out there fears God,
   actually listens to the voice of his servant?
For anyone out there who doesn't know where you're going,
   anyone groping in the dark,
Here's what: Trust in God.
   Lean on your God!
But if all you're after is making trouble,
   playing with fire,
   Go ahead and see where it gets you.
   Set your fires, stir people up, blow on the flames,
But don't expect me to just stand there and watch.
   I'll hold your feet to those flames. (Isaiah 50:10-11, The Message)

God wants me to get in the game. I am not here to watch, stir up fires, blow on flames, incite a riot, or walk on by. I am hear to serve and that is what I will do.

Dear God, I am leaning fully on you. I am a blow it and things are hard to see clearly sometimes, but I KNOW you are there and I am counting on YOU today. Amen.

Family- Whats in your wallet?

2011-02-21T06:17:00.000-08:00

Deuteronomy 6:5-9
5 Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got!
6-9 Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.

Get this inside of you AND THEN get it in your children. I LOVE YOU GOD! I love you with my whole heart. I grieve for you and am filled by you. I will tattoo you on my body. I will write your name on my front door. Your words are hanging on my wall and I work for you. You are my boss.

Listened to my old boss give the message yesterday morning. He spoke of his family with such love, recognizing the spiritual gifts to each. Of course, I have already heard the stories before, but he shared with everyone at SCCC what really makes him tick. And I know it makes him tick because I have heard him say such things over and over. It's funny. I think my oldest is absolutely amazing. She is so very smart and beautiful and has all the right friends and dresses well and makes friends easily and has great grades and does all the best sports and gets awards and is a wonderful big sister and doesn't lie and takes care of her chores and is just amazing. Ruby can see things for what they are. Ruby probably has the gift of discernement. I hope she is able to use it to bring others to God.

Lord, Daddy, Bestfriend,

Thank you. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for being with Glenn. Please be with America. It is hurting so bad and we need to turn to you. I will follow wherever you want me to go.

Ruby went to Winter Jam last night with the SCCC youth group, but it was sold out. So, they went to IHOP and everyone ate and had fun. There is a leader there named Ashley and I thank God for her. She seems to have a special touch with Ruby....and she is fun. She thought of going to WalMart and having a scavenger hunt. How fun is that?

St Valentine

2011-02-14T05:57:00.000-08:00

Glenn, Ceylor, and I were all laying snuggly in bed and I said Happy Valentine's Day. Ceylor, was cuddly and I said, "Ceylor, do you know who St. Valentine is?" Ceylor said, "Um, yeah! He is a baby angel that shoots arrows at you." I said, "Um, no." Then we started talking about something else for a minute until Ceylor said, "Hey, lets go back to the answer to the question." I said, "What question?" Ceylor said, "About that guy!" I said, "Oh, St Valentine? I have to look that up!" Glenn said, "What? I wanted to know too!"

Quite a lot to think about and it doesn't even have to do with being in love.

From the Inside

2011-02-09T06:39:00.000-08:00

^23-24Looking at it one way, you could say, "Anything goes. Because of God's immense generosity and grace, we don't have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster." But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well.
^25-28With that as a base to work from, common sense can take you the rest of the way. Eat anything sold at the butcher shop, for instance; you don't have to run an "idolatry test" on every item. "The earth," after all, "is God's, and everything in it." That "everything" certainly includes the leg of lamb in the butcher shop. If a nonbeliever invites you to dinner and you feel like going, go ahead and enjoy yourself; eat everything placed before you. It would be both bad manners and bad spirituality to cross-examine your host on the ethical purity of each course as it is served. On the other hand, if he goes out of his way to tell you that this or that was sacrificed to god or goddess so-and-so, you should pass. Even though you may be indifferent as to where it came from, he isn't, and you don't want to send mixed messages to him about who you are worshiping.
^29-30But, except for these special cases, I'm not going to walk around on eggshells worrying about what small-minded people might say; I'm going to stride free and easy, knowing what our large-minded Master has already said. If I eat what is served to me, grateful to God for what is on the table, how can I worry about what someone will say? I thanked God for it and he blessed it!
^31-33So eat your meals heartily, not worrying about what others say about you—you're eating to God's glory, after all, not to please them. As a matter of fact, do everything that way, heartily and freely to God's glory. At the same time, don't be callous in your exercise of freedom, thoughtlessly stepping on the toes of those who aren't as free as you are. I try my best to be considerate of everyone's feelings in all these matters; I hope you will be, too. (1 Corinthians 10:23-31, The Message)

What it says to Stacy:

Stacy has a hard time with this because of addictions. I see its ok to eat and drink whatever is placed in front of me. Maybe it's true. Maybe I am too hard on myself. It's all about the other person. It's all about things being blessed/sacrificed etc that is being looked at. It's about the person coming to Christ. It's about not nit picking what is served. Be thankful.

What I am going to do about it:
Continue on.

Ugh--with explaination

2011-02-08T06:41:00.000-08:00

Black Ice. Zero degrees. Auto accidents. Hurry up. Media events. Refreezing. Not a geat place to be, outside, that is. I was praying this morning for people I don't even know and lifting them up. I pray for the families at Hillcrest to be surrounded by love and lift them up to God. So many things up in the air. Sometimes I care too deeply. God made me that way.

¹²Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims.
¹³You know the old saying, "First you eat to live, and then you live to eat"? Well, it may be true that the body is only a temporary thing, but that's no excuse for stuffing your body with food, or indulging it with sex. Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body!
^14-15God honored the Master's body by raising it from the grave. He'll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master's body. You wouldn't take the Master's body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not.
(1 Corinthians 6:12-20, The Message)

I like to think if something is legal then it's ALL good. That is simply not the case. It applies to more than just food and sex too. It's legal to talk about people behind their back. It's legal to flip people off while driving. It's legal to do all kinds of things. It's legal to lie.

I hope to follow God in everything. He is still working on me and we have lots of areas to cover. At least he isn't done with me yet.

Here we are---its so hard

2011-02-07T06:12:00.000-08:00

Psalms 139:13-16

^13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
      you formed me in my mother's womb.
   I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
      I worship in adoration—what a creation!
   You know me inside and out,
      you know every bone in my body;
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
   The days of my life all prepared
      before I'd even lived one day.

What does this say to me:
God already knows what and why I will be doing what I do. Is there some way to correct my wrongs? NO. Only forgive and change. But, I am marvelously made. My soul and body are melded together and doing their thing. You watch over me.

What am I gona do bout this:
I scheduled a meyers-brigg professional to come share how wonderfully and amazing created we each are for the families at Hillcrest. God uses each of us, no matter what station in life we are at.

What's supp:

Wow. Ceylor turned 6. We bowled with Daisy scouts and small group girls. She is growing. The night before Marina moved in with my Dad. It is hard to raise teenagers and it is even harder to try and raise an adult. God gave us freedom and it is instilled in us.

Thank You

2011-01-27T06:41:00.001-08:00

Power

2011-01-25T07:01:00.000-08:00

Not really sure exactly what to say. I am not a 'holy' person. In fact, I am struggling a great deal. Realizing that salvation is an inside job. You can't just read the Bible in the morning and then go to work then come home and everything be ok. I need to figure this out. Stuff is not working right. In the past I have looked back on times such as this and realized God was doing something I wasn't aware of. It is uncomfortable. I don't like it. I want to run. Don't get me wrong, my work and school are doing fine. It's my personal life. It's my marriage. It's my parenting. It's me. The me when I am not performing. The me who can't hide behind tasks. I have gained 60 pounds in the last two years. This is depressing. I don't take care of myself. Oh my brain is exploding because I am an information junkie. I take care of others and ensure they are given the tools to bloom. Trying to please others and perform. perform-read-write-listen-stuff-perform-write-explain-read-write-perform. It is quite possible I am missing the point. I know God left the 99 and went after me. Went after me in ways only he would or could. I am really at a loss. Knowing that somehow in the midst of this I am doing what he wants me to do everyday. So, I'm not perfect.

Colossians 1:9-13

9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives 10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves,

What does this mean?
It means someone is praying for me. It means the Spirit is mine and available to me. The Spirit can fill me. The Spirit enables me to live a worthy life. It means I am bearing fruit. It means I am growing in the knowledge of God. It means I have endurance and patience and can give thanks to God who qualified me. It means I am saved and brought into his kingdom.

What will I do?
I will walk. I will walk it out. I will walk and not grow weary today. I have it in my head that today is going to suck becuase of a few people who are not 'blooming' in Hillcrest. They are at the end of their rope and attempted suicide two nights ago. There are also people who are moving in and desperately trying to stay clean. Desperately trying to hold it together for their future. People who are broken. Very broken. I will be filled with power and serve them.

Got in a huge 14 year old fight last night and think I lost. I don't know how to be a parent. It sucks. We both shared earlier this week that we want to be close to each other. Trying to figure out the fine line between parenting and sharing. 14 year old have it hard today. I know I thought I had it all figured out when I was 14 years old. I can only imagine how strong that feeling is with google at your 14 year old fingertips. ugh.

Forgiveness?

2011-01-24T06:57:00.000-08:00

Column 1--just copied scripture (embedded) I had to read it in three different translations first then decided on The Message.

1-2 Help, God—the bottom has fallen out of my life! Master, hear my cry for help!
Listen hard! Open your ears! Listen to my cries for mercy.
3-4 If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that's why you're worshiped.
5-6 I pray to God—my life a prayer— and wait for what he'll say and do.
My life's on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching till morning,
waiting and watching till morning. 7-8 O Israel, wait and watch for God—
with God's arrival comes love, with God's arrival comes generous redemption.
No doubt about it—he'll redeem Israel, buy back Israel from captivity to sin. (Psalm 130, The Message)
Column 2: Stacy phrased edition

Dude, God, man, no way! Daddy, I'm in deep trouble and I have anxiety running through my body making my arms ache. Please God, HEAR me. Please have mercy and listen to the voices in my head trying to rationalize the gray areas in my life. My life is headed down the wrong path and it's all things that are out of my control. I know you can forgive anyone, because that is what you do. I don't know how you do it. Thank you. Please keep me close to you as so many things are spirling around me. I don't know where to turn but to you. I know you can correct every bad decision as you even saved an entire nation who had turned their backs on you. Let my life be the life you want others to see. Use me, pick me, I'm ready, and waiting. Waiting. Please show up today in the mess all around. Give me your words and make me forget mine. Save your children, and let me be one.

Column 3:

Today, I am a sinner and living in the gray area. This world is messy. There are not always "right" or "wrong" answers. God, please make yourself known today in the minds and hearts and actions of those around me and more importantly....myself. I will listen before passing sentence on others today. It's a mess. I would want forgiveness....and only you can give it. Others give forgiveness. Please let me be super soft today.

Some days are easy. Some days I can roll through everything and there are no heavy decisions at all to be made. Then sometimes I learn about things I wish I didn't know and have to chose which way I am going to act. I generally am capable of not Re-Acting as was my custom before Jesus scooped me up. Last weekend I was judging the debate tournament at LJH for Ruby. I learned alot about the different kinds of debate because I judged nearly all of them. There was something called PUFF, Oratory, Policy, Lincoln Douglas, and Dramatic Interpretation. The photo at the top is about forgiveness and one of the girls did a Dramatic Interpretation of one of the amish moms who got the news about her daughter being killed while at school. It ripped my heart. I do not think I could have forgiven the man who walked into my daughters school and killed her and her other classmates. The amish community came together and forgave. They did what God does. How? It's scary to pray to God sometimes because he will give you what you ask for in ways you didn't necessary mean. Take for instance patience. Don't pray for patience or you will find yourself in long lines at the grocery store behind a whiny kid. I'm afraid this morning I will not like what I have to deal with today. I can't shirk it. I have to deal with it. Is forgiveness what is needed, maybe not. It might be accountablity today. But please God let me have a soft heart but have my eyes wide open.

Cr@zy Week

2011-01-18T05:52:00.000-08:00

Super exciting and fun and unsure week. Mix in a busy schedule with uncertainity of Glenn working, school, snow with the possiblity of snow days and who knows what. God will take care of me.

A New Life

2011-01-13T05:59:00.000-08:00

Column 1: Col 3:1-4

So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

Column 2: retold Stacy-speak

Don't talk about it....just do it. Figure out where Christ presides and focus on those things. Hum. SO, don't get into the doldrums because I live differently. The things I do for fun aren't the same as they used to be, but what I do today is what is really going on. That's where Christ is. Christ should be my life. Beisdes, he is coming back again and then it will all be crystal clear. Until then, just do his work and he is with me.

Column 3: Whatcha gonna do now.....

Today I start another flipping semester at school. I am taking Broadcast Management and Radio and TV Performance. I wonder if Christ resides in these. I know I am doing what he wants me to do at work. But, I know there is more in my future. Trying to make sure I don't get sucked back into the world and what they care about. Wanting to do PR or Radio performance, could it be on Air1? THat would totally rock. I would totally say more about being a changed person. Who knows. I wonder what to do with this story and how God twisted me around and used the whole madness for his work. It surprises me when I think about it and know there is more. Much more. I'm ready and waiting and willing. Thats the best part. I'm not afraid and I'm willing. ROck On.

Way Out There

2011-01-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

Simply put King Solomon had a bunch of chicks. He was obsessed with foreign women, exotic beauty, but off limits according to God.

1 Kings 11:1-7

King Solomon was obsessed with women. Pharaoh's daughter was only the first of the many foreign women he loved—Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite. He took them from the surrounding pagan nations of which God had clearly warned Israel, "You must not marry them; they'll seduce you into infatuations with their gods." Solomon fell in love with them anyway, refusing to give them up. He had seven hundred royal wives and three hundred concubines—a thousand women in all! And they did seduce him away from God. As Solomon grew older, his wives beguiled him with their alien gods and he became unfaithful—he didn't stay true to his God as his father David had done. Solomon took up with Ashtoreth, the whore goddess of the Sidonians, and Molech, the horrible god of the Ammonites. Solomon openly defied God; he did not follow in his father David's footsteps. He went on to build a sacred shrine to Chemosh, the horrible god of Moab, and to Molech, the horrible god of the Ammonites, on a hill just east of Jerusalem. He built similar shrines for all his foreign wives, who then polluted the countryside with the smoke and stench of their sacrifices.

Second Column:

So, King Solomon did not do what God wanted him to. He had 1000 women that he wasn't supposed to have. God told him not to, because they would seduce him away from God, but he did it anyway...and God was right. King Solomon built altars to these evil Gods of these foreign women.

Third Column:
I have a friend that is a white supremist. We were running buddies in Riverside, CA and he was always talking crazy stuff about what he believed. Mind you, I don't share his beliefs in anyway shape or form, but we hung out. We were not boyfriend and girlfriend at all but we would drink beers together sometimes. He was a hoot. Way way out there. By the way, he doesn't play well with others and has anger issues. He was a two time offender and managed to pick up another violent charge by way of lead pipe. Yep, he got served a life sentence. Of course, while I was in prison he wrote me the whole time and kept me company. While I was in prison I made some promises to myself about how I wanted my life to look when I got out. I started reading the Bible again. God met me there. I turned away from all my crazy stuff but contimnued to write to my friend. I thought I could lead him away from his violent tendencies did eventhough he was in prison. He did soften and even told me he was praying. Then he made a hard turn toward the way of the Yogi. He started meditating and trying to reach God. I have no idea what he is talking about and I think he is trying to align his chakras and whatnot. He sent me the book Autobiography of a Yogi and another daily devotion book by Paramahansa Yogananda. THey have good words and are good to do. Like take for instance today....

January 12
Obediance

The true disciple obeys his guru implicitly in everything because the guru is a man of wisdom and purity.

Alrighty then, got problem with this. I am not obeying anyone but my God. He is the only Guru in my book. So, people can easily be led astray with the many foreign religions of the world. I mean they sound SORT OF ok until you realize that they aren't focused on God. King Solomon was a King and he was still led astray. I bet God still loved him. God will love me.

Loose the ego

2011-01-11T05:49:00.000-08:00

1 Peter 2:11-17
First column: (re-copy scripture but not copy and paste)

Friends, this world is not your home so don't get cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they will be won over to God's side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives. Make the master proud of you by being good citizens. Respect authorities, whatever their level; they are God's emissaries for keeping order. It is God's will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you're a danger to society. Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Love God. Respect the government.

Second column: restate in my words

Another reminder that this world is not my home. I'm just passing through. While I am here I need to avoid acting puffed up and haughty about anything including my beliefs. Just do what is right and thereby lead others to God by living simple and right. I have a chance to make God proud of me by doing these things. I am living in a free country where I can do just about anything I want and the best thing I can do with that freedom is serve, worship, praise, speak about, and follow God. While doing that I need my spiritual family and to love them.

Third column: I will.....

I will make it a point to share my faith with everyone even those who don't what to hear it. But I won't shove it down their throat as they do their own prejudices to me. For some reason I thought that joining in with poor humor and not speaking out against prejudices would simply make those people accept me so I could show them the right way. In this scripture it says to loose my ego. Forget about fitting in and just follow God or loose your soul. Yikes, its real easy to live this way at work where it is a mission place....but what about at home where visitors are far away from God. I will leave the room. I don't want to loose my soul because I want to fit in.

Things are a mess at my home.

Next Steps

2011-01-10T05:15:00.000-08:00

Romans 12: 1-2

First Column: Copy the scripture word for word instead of copy and paste.

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life- your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life- and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Second Column: say the scripture in my own words.

God wants me to be aware of my every move even when brushing my teeth, getting the mail, and have him in the middle of those actions. He doesn't want me to forgot who I am during the "life" that shows up and he always wants me to give him the chance to show me how to live maturely and not make a fool of myself. He will show me what to do in all situations if I just let him, and then I need to DO IT! like right now. ANd yep, I'll be changed.

Third Column: What will I do because of this scripture.

I will slow down and curb my reactions and words. I will let him into the silly things and the serious things to hear what I should do.

You just never know

2011-01-09T13:47:00.000-08:00

I sit and watch the show with tears whelling up in my eyes and spilling over onto my cheeks and down underneath my chin. I have to wipe them away and yet, they keep coming. They are coming from somewhere so deep inside I can't stop them. I am now home and sitting on a comfortable couch with a warm blanket wrapped around me. My new puppy is done chewing things up for the time being and sleeping next to me. She is just getting ready for her next round of destruction. The TV is rambling about something and after a quick glance I see its Ace of Cakes. I went to two churches today as is sometime the case with my job. I was at a Presbyterian church this morning where they focused on the Baptist of Jesus and I couldn't help remembering my own baptism. I think I was 13 years old and I was at a church in Costa Mesa, CA called Costa Mesa Church of Christ. I had on the white robe and was welcomed into the warmed water of the baptismal by my own father. He asked me if I believed in Jesus. I said yes. He said that because of my belief I was following Jesus' example and being baptized. He let me pinch my nose and then he sort of had me fall backward (or rather lean backward against his arm) under the water as he said, "I now baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost." So, I thought about that today. Then and now I still have that memory clouded with the fact that when we joined in the fellowship hall afterward, everyone in the youth group said they could see through my white robe when I came back up out of the water. UGH! Ok, fine.... but when I went to my own church at 11am today I discovered we were talking about the Lord's prayer. Roy a few times something I want to remember so I am writing it here. He was talking about our Father and how we should actually be saying My Father. My Father who is closer to me than the air. I have to think about that. Closer to me than the air I breathe. Closer than the air entering into my lungs and causing my chest to rise and fall. Closer than that. Inside of me. Filling me. Pushing me. I told someone today the succeession I took from homelessness to prison to a new family to Kansas City. My Father was there every step of the way. My air. Breathe.

Glenn is going through something right now. He doesn't know what it is. He can't figure it out. He doesn't want to go away and he can't figure out what is wrong. And he loves me. He loves our family. I am giving it to MY FATHER to deal with. For real, no take backs.

2011 is going to be different. We are having an open house on Monday and I hope everyone comes. I only have 6 more classes to finish my degree. Still, that is going on all the time behind the scenes. God is going continue to use me. I used to think I needed to write a book. I just don't always have the details and events straight in my mind anymore. I do know that I wish Marina was in our lives instead of on the fringe. It makes my heart ache. But she is beautiful. I discovered this week that she has a facebook but has Ruby and I blocked from it. You know you have to actually type someones name into the settings to make that happen. Anyway, it hurts. I have Ruby and Ceylor and Glenn.

Oh I got new wheels on my car. I know they came just in time thanks to my Dad. Yes, the same Dad who baptized me. What a memory.

2010 Love

2010-12-21T06:18:00.000-08:00

Again I see Love. Love everyone. Love till it hurts and then love some more. 2010 is basically over. Now it's time to reflect and sit back and watch. I want to BE this year, present. Not sure what I am doing this Christmas season. Ruby is going to CA and we don't have any plans at all. I think I might find somewhere to serve. LOVE. Be. Present. LOVE Others. Thank you Lord for providing for 2010 all around me. Thank you for the lessons you have taught me this year and thank you for staying by my side. Guide me in the remaining days to spread your LOVE, perfectly.

Lazarus

2010-12-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

Mary was Lazarus' sister. Mary of Mary and Martha. Mary with the costly perfume washing Jesus' feet. They (Mary, Martha, Lazarus', and Jesus) were all very close. Jesus spent a lot of time with them. They lived in Judea where everyone was wanting to kill Jesus. AND HE WENT BACK to RAISE LAZARUS from the dead. I have a feeling he could have done it from anywhere in the world that he was standing. He didn't have to go back. He healed a child once with words. He just told her father to go home because she had been sleeping. But, Jesus went back. He wanted to comfort those and who were greiving. He had to of known there would be Jews from the city there wanting to rat on Him. He went anyway and Mary ran to him the minute she heard he was there. She had pure belief in Jesus. PURE. I found the Sanhedrins comments about Jesus chilling. They felt Jesus had to die or their nation would be taken from them by the Romans. It makes more and more sense. The Sanhedrin said that Jesus dying would unite the lost children of God and the Jews and save their nation.

John 11

The Plot to Kill Jesus

45 Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, believed in him. 46 But some of them went to the Pharisees and told them what Jesus had done. 47 Then the chief priests and the Pharisees called a meeting of the Sanhedrin.“What are we accomplishing?” they asked. “Here is this man performing many signs. 48 If we let him go on like this, everyone will believe in him, and then the Romans will come and take away both our temple and our nation.” 49 Then one of them, named Caiaphas, who was high priest that year, spoke up, “You know nothing at all! 50 You do not realize that it is better for you that one man die for the people than that the whole nation perish.” 51 He did not say this on his own, but as high priest that year he prophesied that Jesus would die for the Jewish nation, 52 and not only for that nation but also for the scattered children of God, to bring them together and make them one. 53 So from that day on they plotted to take his life.

Dear God, I know you are there and you can do anything. I thank you for saving me. For sticking with me with me with I don't deserve it. Thank you Daddy. There are so many people who need you. Take my life and use it however you want. I am soooooo hear for you. Make sure I hear You when You put someone in front of me to witness. Give me the right words so they will Hear You. Thank you. Amen.

Black Friday

2010-11-26T07:41:00.000-08:00

Ruby and I didn't go shopping. We laid in bed and slept while Glenn went hunting. It is so very nice to get 4 days off. Things I haven't had time to do, like go through all Ceylor's toy boxes and clean out the broken crayons, broken toys, and missing pieces to games.....happened yesterday. I even cleaned out the bottom of my closet. I didn't try to work or feed the homeless or anything giving. I actually spend the day with my whole family all day. We ate untill our stomache popped and laughed and rolled in the floor with Ceylor and another friends child. It was precious.

We are all heirs. We are all his children.

Galatians 3: 26-29
So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

We are All His Children.

I have to speak the first week in December about my life at a church. Ugh. It has more to do with encouraging a new church to be the hands and feet of God and go out and serve those less fortunate. I'm God's child. He accepts me and I know He will be right there giving me the words to share so that they come straight from Him. But, I'm preparing in my mind little by little.

Thank you for giving me Words and Thank you for Your Words Daddy.

Keeping the Faith

2010-11-12T05:54:00.000-08:00

I had a dear volunteer send me an email the other day and I have been thinking about him ever sense. He shared that he and his wife have been discouraged due to the trials of life. Their son had an affair and left his wife and child. The wife didn't have supportive family so it fell to them to care for them, and of course, they would with it being their grandson. Then the gal the son had an affair with got pregnant.....with twins. They have been in need of such prayer, but instead it sounds like they caved in on themselves a bit. But, who wouldn't. He shared in his email that he almost lost faith in God. His faith was tested almost more than he could stand. This is a devout, loving, giving, generous family with both their time and resources. But, he did not give up. He actually emailed me to apologize and ask my forgiveness. I had tears streaming down my eyes as I read the words. However, he did not fail me or OUR FATHER. He has rejuvenated and will be delivering over 1,000 meals 10 seniors and those families who do not have money for Thanksgiving and Christmas meals. He cooks and prepares these meals and hand deliveries to their homes each meal. Wonderful! On my way to church that day I was listening to Air1 Radio and I heard the verse of the day. It was James 1:3 and I believe God gave it to me to give to him.

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

It's funny, I thought I had been having a rough go of it until I got that email from him. I thought I was weary and flagging in stamina. I thought I was a shell of a person wandering around trying to meet needs when I was on empty. So, that scripture was most likely for me too. So, I keep running the race and let perseverance finish its work so i am not laking in anything. Today, I was reading Colossians 1. And this inspired me to keep going and share these words with my friend who wrote asking for forgiveness. We all struggle, but God makes us Whole in Him.

I know all of us are struggling and the road which leads to Heaven is not an easy jog. With the Holy Spirit I find comfort and can deal with things. God knows what things are impossible for me to reconcile in my mind and knows how to work all things out for those who Love HIM.

Dear God, it's been tiring lately. There are heavy things on my heart and mind. Please fill me up and make the way straight for those of us leading your sheep back to You. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for wonderful people in my life who Love You. Thank You and please stay with me and my friends today.

In His Name. Amen.

Authority

2010-11-03T06:18:00.000-07:00

Who knew Romans 13=math.

Submit to the authorities. God established them. Rebel against authority is rebeling against God. A=B B=C Therefore A=C. Simple. There it is. Math in the Bible. Just gonna sit in that today.

Halloween

2010-11-02T05:47:00.000-07:00

It was crazy at the trunk or treat this year. I couldn't believe the number of people who made their way to Shoal Creek. There had to be over 2,000 people who came to our church. These were people who had never come to our church and hopefully they come back sometime. It was amazing. We ended up having to close early because we ran out of candy. The church staff ran to the store to get more and we ran through that too.

Dear God, I am surrounded by newness. Help me to be patient while training people around me. They have wonderful hearts and I don't want to quench the spirit. Thank you for sending these people and just please help me still. You are always there and thank you for answering my calls so quickly. The families need you and help me to be the best example and quickest way to tell others of your amazing love. I dont want to be a 'me' chick. I want to be a 'YOU' girl. Pray in Christ NAME amen.

2010 Halloween

2010-10-31T15:01:00.001-07:00

Peaceful Newness

2010-10-22T06:38:00.000-07:00

I'm so relieved. They have hired a part time case manager and director at Hillcrest. I am so glad. Now I can totally focus on my job and I know exactly what that is again. Today, is also another momentous day for me. I am downsizing my phone. I have a DRIOD and have found it to be a complete distraction and unnecessary. I can just look online for my emails again. I am going to just a simple "phone" that just receives calls and texts again. I am excited. Another wonderful thing is I will no longer be under a contract with a wireless provider. I think they are a racket. I really do. So, I will let you all know my new digits soon. Have an awesome day and weekend. It is the annual Halloween Bash at church and this year we are being one of the trunks that kids trick or treat out of. Actually, we are letting them treat out of our saddlebags. We are bringing the Harley out to be bikers for Halloween. :0)

The Room

2010-10-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

I visited a church yesterday to speak about Hillcrest. It was great. Sometimes I love visiting other churches and hearing the Word through another inspired preacher. (Love Roy.....don't get me wrong) He spoke on learning humbly. Hummmmm. Then he read a story about THE ROOM. He said a man walked into a room and it was completely bare except many card files against one wall. Inside the files were little 3x5 cards with every detail of his life written on them. There were details written on the cards that his memory didn't even remember. But there it was. EVERYTHING. All the good things and all the bad and shameful things. He was devastated as he saw all the things that he had mamanged to forget were still recorded there on the 3x5 cards. Then the man turned around and Jesus was standing there. UGH. He knew he was threw. He knew Jesus was going to condemn him. He knew there was no where to hide with everything written out on the cards. Then Jesus reached in the files and started reading each card. At the bottom of each card where my name was....Jesus wrote His Name over mine in blood. It took him a little while to finish each card then when he covered them all he stretched out HIS hands and said "It is finished". Just beautiful. Then Jesus pointed to the rest of the cards in the files which were blank. He looked at the man and said to fill them up. I am encouraged by the blank cards in my files today.

Dear God, Please help me fill my blank cards with what you want.

Super Cool News

2010-10-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

So today in 1 Corintians 2 there it was. I somtimes wonder if it is because of the translation that I read things that I have never seen something before. I'm sure that is the case. So, I'm gonna do a side by side comparison.

1 Cor. 2:10-19 (The Message)
10 But you’ve seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you.

The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along.11 Who ever knows what you’re thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he’s thinking,12 but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us.13 We don’t have to rely on the world’s guesses and opinions. We didn’t learn this by reading books or going to school; we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we’re passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way.14 The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can’t receive the gifts of God’s Spirit. There’s no capacity for them. They seem like so much silliness. Spirit can be known only by spirit—God’s Spirit and our spirits in open communion.15 Spiritually alive, we have access to everything God’s Spirit is doing, and can’t be judged by unspiritual critics.16 Isaiah’s question, “Is there anyone around who knows God’s Spirit, anyone who knows what he is doing?” has been answered: Christ knows, and we have Christ’s Spirit.

1 Cor 2:10-16 (New American Standard Bible)
10 For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. 11 For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, 13 which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.14 But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. 15 But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one. 16 For who has known the mind of the Lord , that he will instruct Him ? But we have the mind of Christ

1 Cor 2:10-16 (King James Version)
10 But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God. 11 For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. 13 Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. 14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15 But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man. 16 For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.

So the part that caught my attention is in green in each version. THere is it right there. The reason I know things sometimes is because it is Christ Spirit in me. Not something to run around telling everyone.....but I just KNOW. It's not of me.....but of Christ in Me. At least thats what I get out of it. So, I don't need to be restless and upset and squirmy and hesitant and sideways and anxious. THere are things in my life that I can do absolutely NOTHING about. I have to KNOW that HE is working it out for ME and everyone else involved. He has always been by my side.

I was at the International House of Prayer the other day. Its a place where there is continual worship and praise and prayer and music and just staying in the Spirit 24 hours a day 365 days a year. The worship team was singing about a passage in Psalms 139. It stuck me that the words were the same as my blog name. They were singing about Jesus being there in the darkness and in the light. That he is there in both the darkness and the light. That there is no difference to Him. THe darkness and the light are the same. That spoke volumes to me. I KNOW He was with me while I was in the DARKNESS. There is no way he wasn't because of the many situations I was in and He made a way out of danger, cured me of diseases, healed my sores, protected me from PURE evil. I walked right through. You don't get that without a covering from Heaven above. CHRISTS Spirit has been in me a long time and eventhough I may have been seperated by sin......he still protected me.....somehow. WILD.

I'm gonna relax and do what needs to be done today. Everyday is a new job. There are exciting things happening around me and there is a new season at work. New people coming in and others graduating. Thank you God for using me. Please use me more. Amen.

Simply marvelous darling

2010-10-05T10:23:00.001-07:00

It's all about You.

Little did I know

2010-09-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

No big wordy words today. Just want to be in the moment. Got so much going on. Things are all taken care of, but there is still the unknown. Got to deal with some families......including my own. My dad is coming next week on Tuesday. So, I need to clean the carpets, clean the bathrooms, clean out the hall closet, wash towels, sheets, etc. You know the deal. I am so excited. I'm not excited about cleaning through. I need a resonable cleaning person. I need help.

Acts 5 and Romans 5

3 days until the Hillcrest Gala

2010-09-22T06:48:00.000-07:00

Hey. Want to know a secret? Well, maybe not a real secret, but a secret none the less. There is this huge gala planned for Saturday and I am completely calm. Know why? Because this little non-profit I work at is completely GOD FILLED. There are these really cool things called 'volunteers' and they make up these other little things called committees and then those committees have this little thing called a "Gala Planning Book'. (I think, I am making that part up---but they might.) Anyway, there are going to be like 600 people (hopefully) at this Gala and I have not felt a bit of pain about this event this year. Sure, I wrote some stories and put together some scholarship plaques, and will find the picture frames in the shed (I hope), and be there to help register and break down the event when all the balloons have popped and aution items sold....but right now I am calm. I mean I am real scary calm. Like blow up a firecracker and see if I jump CALM. Then today YOU give me this.

Romans 4:4-6

If you’re a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don’t call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it’s something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift. David confirms this way of looking at it, saying that the one who trusts God to do the putting-everything-right without insisting on having a say in it is one fortunate man:

I'm sure there are men and women on this Gala Committee that would shoot me dead on the firing squad if they knew I was so calm. So, today I am seeing the rest of my families this week for case management and then.......jumping in and grabbing ahold of some loose ends and giving them a right good tug.

Thank you God for putting me in the middle of your STORY and working through me. Make sure I hear you and YELL if YOU want my attention. :0)

Would you like a spot of tea?

2010-09-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

Uncanny you say my dear boy! Jolly right good day to you my dear. Cheerio darling. I fancy the day when the air is tepid and the wind blows the leaves to and fro making music of its leaves. Top o the morning to you and blessed be.

Started this new reading plan because I guess I fell off the train at my church. I really like being able to blog what I read and they fancy this 3 column dealio and I can't get with it. If there was a computer program pumping out the form and a way to easily do it....I would go for it. BUT as it is I am an online reader and journaler. Don't see me changing anytime soon either. God meets me right here on this keyboard and joins me as I copy and paste scripture. Jolly good dear friend.

My grandma called me the other day. Right good stuff I say! I needed to hear from her. I love hearing from her. I know she is trying to resolve an issue, but thats okay. I just want to talk to her anyway. There is no fixing what is wrong, but I love her.

It's quite canny my dear friend (and by friend I mean Jesus in this sentence) how one day you will put certain scriptures in my head as I am going about my day. Then turn around and lead me right to the scripture in your Word where it is actually written. Right good I tell ya. So yesterday I was struggling with the screw ups I have to work with. I could easily get discouraged, but then you put that verse in my head about no one being good....not one. So, it reminded me I'm no different. My co-worker who is about 40 years my elder shared a story that at one time in her life there was a lady who offered her to change her life and go to school to be a nurse completely paid for. All she had to do was say yes and this woman was going to put her on a different path in life that would be fruitful and positive. But, my co-worker said she remember just passing it up to go be with her current boyfriend. UGH! Jeeesh! I could echo that same story in my life. So, we both thought of that scripture at the same time that not one is good....no not one. Some of he families I serve are screwed up........but so am I. We are all here on a journey to find YOU Jesus.

There is was in Romans 3 today. "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God". Working for you today. No one else, no boss, no job, no agenda....only you. I'm doing everything for you today. Even though I am fallen. Thank you for walking with me through this day. I need you real bad.

Pay Attention

2010-08-31T06:23:00.000-07:00

Back in the day... I had a friend and we both had NO money. We used to make jokes about our situation and laugh together. One day we were especially full of silliness and I said, "I'm so broke I can't even pay attention." We both rolled back and had a nice belly laugh. It was so true though. We couldn't even afford to eat and I think we were sharing this talk as we were waiting for the soup kitchen to open. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were in front of the library sitting in the chinese gazebo they have in the courtyard. It's the same gazebo that has the two stone lions in front of the stairs to the gazebo. One of the lions has a round ball inside of the lions mouth that you can actually move around. (I have never understood why that ball is in there----ancient Chinese secret, huh?) Anyway, this soup kitchen was at a church and they served you like a sit down meal. All the teenagers would come and fill our drinks, as needed. When you came in you would take a seat wherever there was room and then members of the church would serve you. Sometimes, they wuold even sit down and talk with you. They had tables in the back with clothes, shoes, coats, and umbrellas laid out nice and neatly for you to pick up if you needed them. Just thinking...................

God wants us to think of him all the time.

Psalms 95 :6-11

6-7 So come, let us worship: bow before him,

on your knees before God, who made us!

Oh yes, he's our God,

and we're the people he pastures, the flock he feeds.

7-11 Drop everything and listen, listen as he speaks:

"Don't turn a deaf ear as in the Bitter Uprising,

As on the day of the Wilderness Test,

when your ancestors turned and put me to the test.

For forty years they watched me at work among them,

as over and over they tried my patience.

And I was provoked—oh, was I provoked!

'Can't they keep their minds on God for five minutes?

Do they simply refuse to walk down my road?'

Exasperated, I exploded,

'They'll never get where they're headed,

never be able to sit down and rest.'"

Today I want to find rest. Rest and relaxation, but with HIM at the center.

Really? Really?

2010-08-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

It's quite amazing to me that we are able to work so hard and not love others. Thank you for walking with me. I am only going where you send me. Today will be fun. I will stay in the moment and LOVE.

Romans 3 today

2010-08-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

So,

Wow,

Ahem,

What,

Wow,

Didn't see that coming. I never thought for a minute we would stop working with and trying to turn a corner. There are some people missing in my life that have gone now. In fact, a few people are gone from my life. Sometimes, I discover that it has to be that way. Both of these people that are gone from my life have been difficult for me to get along with. They have taught me so many things. Glenn says I have to have someone in my life to bring me conflict. I'm starting to think that really isn't true. I have had a lot to deal with in my life and a lot of it is below the surface. I am strong. However, let me not boast. There is not one person good on this planet. We all fall short and I am no different. I shared yesterday about the idea of "terminal uniqueness." Someone very close to me said I suffer from this disease of terminal uniqueness. It makes me think I am different than everyone else. That, unfortunately, is not the case. I am the same. The same things that hurt me, hurt you. The same things that seperate me, seperate you. The same things that have me lie in bed awake, keep you awake too. I laugh, cry, hiccup, cough, breathe, and pout......just like you. I also Love. I love like you do. But, I'm working hard to LOVE LIKE "HE" LOVES. AGAPE.

Romans 3,

What we've learned is this: God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does. We've finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting him set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade.

Lord, God, Friend, Father, Abba, Prince of Peace, Comforter, Yaweh, Jehovah,

With the changes happening in my life.........please help me to look for what you are doing. (Not what I think should be happening.) At one time I asked you to show me what to do and direct my steps with large Billboards and flashing lights pointing the way. I ask you to do that again for not only myself, but for others around me. Let the only open door be the one you have opened for them. Let me be a blessing today to those around me and life up those hurting. Thank you. Thank you for being there to walk with me. Thank you for caring. Thank you for your LOVE. Amen.

Vegetables

2010-07-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

I took a walk today around my Hillcrest property and I can't believe how much the garden has jumped up. The plants are just sagging with tomatos and peppers and cucumbers and every other thing they planted. It is so amazing what just a seed will do. I think being a farmer would be so rewarding. You put the seed in the ground and water it and tend to the weeds and water it and tend the weeds and water it and then BAMM! PRODUCE. I wish people were like that too. You plant them on the right path, water them, tend to them, water them, tend to the bad influences, water them and then it should be BAMM! SUCCESS! But, NO, it's not that easy. People are so very tempramental and difficult. They are a many wonderous splendid thing. God, you really are amazing. We are not merely seeds to be planted. We are so complex.

Dear Father,

Thank you for the people in my life, difficult and fun! Thank you for making me flexible. Help me learn how to deal with difficult people. Or better yet, help them to realize there are more than one way to look at things. Bless my husband. Thank you.

Pressing In/Faith

2010-07-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

When you know there is something else you are living for...... it become not about this world. It becomes about helping others. It becomes about sacrifice. It becomes about helping the hurting and the lost. It means reaching out to addicts, the abused, the hungry, the downtrodden, the forgotten, the abandoned. I saw a facebook post the other day that said........

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.

Chinese Proverb

When I stop to think about it I realize I am happy because I know Jesus is coming again. Everything on this planet can come and go........but I know Jesus is working things out for me because I love him.

Today the reading is about Faith. I talked to a woman today who embodied the pain that some of those written about in Hebrews 11 experienced. While we may wish the 'pain-suffering-loss-ache' to end......its possible it may never happen. BUT. And that is a big BUT....... we are working toward a greater kingdom and with FAITH we shall surely get there. Hummmmm. Easy peasy. LOL

But there were people chopped in half, thrown in furnaces, asked to sacrifice their child, and on and on. But, there are things in my life I am asked to sacrifice and I am doing it for their sake. But I'm not happy about it and I will never be over it. I will accept it and move on but I am done faking it. I am embracing who I am and the path God has given me with my wholeheart. I haven't been this real-honest-serious-determined-rational-and-at-peace as I am today. Thanks be to God.

Dear Friend,
Thank you for being my guide and giving me what I need EVERY day. THank you for the highs and the lows so I can feel your prescence. I love you more today than ever before. Help me help other and use me fully. Peace.

Hebrews 11:31-40.

31By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.

32And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, 33who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. 36Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. 37They were stoned[f]; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated—
38the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.
39These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.
40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

Thank you people.

Conflict

2010-07-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

Lots of conflict. Lots of conflict. Feeling inadequate to find a soluntion...so going to the only thing I know. How to resolve conflict takes practice and grace. I lack practice and when it comes to my life I lack grace too. Help me figure this out God!

Re-Crucifying Jesus

^11-14I have a lot more to say about this, but it is hard to get it across to you since you've picked up this bad habit of not listening. By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one—baby's milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago! Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God's ways; solid food is for the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong.

Just hoping I can get through this without a total fracture in my world. Maybe fractures are okay if there is a good cast to hold it all together as it heals.

Keep On Keeping On

2010-07-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

Let me just start by saying WOW! This has been a very busy, rewarding, tiring week at Hillcrest. We celebrated 3 graduates on Tuesday at a BBQ with over 100 people (I think). There was a band with a 16 year old girl on the mic singing her heart out to Jesus. There were testimonies from the graduates and one gal in particular that really stood out. I didn't think she would share anything but ended up making amends to her parents, who were there, for her addiction of 40 years. The was the first time in 40 years she had been clean for 90 days. What an amazing God. He put me here for a reason at this place called Missouri and more importantly Hillcrest for people such as this. I love leading them to the scriptures and allowing them to discover the person God wanted them to be. This girl is also a lesbian and wanted nothing to do with God because she felt so condemned for the way she was born. I just encourage her to look to God and not man. God knows you heart. God can take bad situations and turn them into good. God and make blind see and deaf hear. So go figure. I realized at this graduation that I witness miracles in these families over these 90 days I spend with them. I am so blessed. I realize I am doing God's work. I already have families tucked into the apartments that my graduates moved out of this week and today is only Friday. One of these families is a gal coming from a domestic violence shelter. She is American Indian and when she left her husband she had to leave her children there until she could go back and get them. Then she snuck into her house and squirreled her kids away on the reservation where they will be safe because no one can go on a reservation and take Indian kids from their land. SWEET. Then she went to a DV shelter because she really needed some counseling and to get back on her feet and provide a home for her children. This girl doesn't have anything but a bike, but I believe she will do whatever it takes to find a job and get her kids back with her. I will be there. I will listen, encourage, push, and cheer on this girl. I am done talking now. I could go on and on about the people I listen to. But, I am done. I know that I must stay the course in my Faith ..... and Pray. Pray for these families. Peace.

Staying in the Faith

2010-06-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

So, this week was crazy. Getting back to work was a chore. It was had to come back to the life God has blessed me with........and all it's hang ups. I think I forget that I am so blessed sometimes. Tonight I am going to go help with a wedding. The family has been at Shoal Creek since they started Shoal Creek and now their oldest child is getting married. They are going to have a wonderful day and serving will be nice. Glenn is going to watch Ceylor. We have a nice life. Ugh! So, please pray for me. I am floundering and reelling a bit from the trip to Mexico. I will continue to reach out and watch from a far. Yea, thats how I feel. But even if I am not a golden spoon and I might be a wooden spoon....the Lord has a job for me that only I can do.

2 Tim 2:20-26

20In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. 21If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.
22Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

Thank you God for using me like you do. Help me to look for ways to serve you and bring others to you. You are the best friend I have ever known and so grateful you saved me. Just help me stay in your light. Do let me get caught up on things I would say...hurt my feelings. I am here for you, not for any other reason.

Woooweeeee

2010-06-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

Thank God He took me to Croc, MX. I was in a place where I thought we would be the ones bringing truth and life and it was the other way around. The church there laid hands on all of us and prayed for us. NOPE, not a dry eye in the place. So moving and refreshing. Thank you for taking me there to receive this kind of blessing. Now, I am ready to do things different. Not like freaky different, but subtly different. Today, I read in 1 Timothy 4 some good stuff about receiving gifts and not wasting them. I have an amazing God Story inside of me that is continually developing. I have to stay true and steadfast in all things.

I learned community in Croc. People are involved in others lives. I don't want to be ONLY know those at my church and work where they are mainly already saved, but I have to reach out to my actual physical neighbors next to my house. When I got home I placed two chairs in the front yard in hopes that I will need more. I want to reach out and say 'Hi'. I love poeple. I love to know what makes them tick. I want to witness to others around me without the stigma of being all church-y. I WANT TO LOVE.

Not Special

2010-06-08T13:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, ever get those days that come along and make you feel inadequate? Unable to measure up? Impossible to make the stuff of this life work? I mean even at home. I can't always have everything done at all times. Is it not okay to have a few things left undone. I am absolutely scared to go to Mexico. I am leaving Ceylor with someone this whole time. She will be sleeping there, but Ceylor climbs in bed with me every night when she wakes up in the night. I am scared. Yesterday, she grabbed a hold of my leg and said, "Mommy don't go to Mexico, please don't go." --What do you say? I know it's just my nerves getting the best of me as the day gets closer. I mean what was I thinking? Why did I say I would go on this trip? It has to be YOU GOD! More than that.....it is not convenient to me to go. It does not fit in with my 'life stage'. But, every step of the way YOU have made it possible for me to do this with Ruby. And Glenn even has a new job that will have him at least in town instead of over the road. I feel like Jonah.... "No, God, I don't want to go." Those people aren't going to listen to me anyway. UGH! Then I remember.... you have given me the GIFT of sight. You have given me GIFTS and they must be used. I can SEE. I can HEAR. I can LOVE. Yep, more than that! So, what did I learn today. This is funny. No one is righteous. HA! one man in a thousand is righteous but not one woman. Hey that's not funny. But, You died for me and them and when called..........you make the way. Dear God, I am anxious and my heart is not calm right now. Fill me with your Spirit and give me the strength to do what you call me to do. AMEN.

Don't Stop Working

2010-06-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

Yep, Lord, don't stop working in me. Please make me love more and love more 'rightly'. I bet that isn't a word 'rightly', but it feels right. I used to love in a mushy gushy crushy kind of way. Today, I know to love intentionally. Today I read someting beyond that which takes it even further.

Ephesians 3: 16-21

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

²⁰Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Yea, I'm not a scholar. I am a simpleton trying to love fully. I am looking forward to this Friday. I am leaving with 2 other leaders from church - 6 girls and 5 boys - and myself to a village in Mexico. We will be working with the children there and giving support to the missionaries who live there on a regular basis. Working in a mission myself for the homeless........I know what it means to have support from others when they come to assist. I need support too while working for families. So, I look forward to jumping in and loving on these christ followers who have given their life in a different culture. I also hope you will pray for the youth and the other leaders who are going with us. Oh, and the VAN! Please pray for the VAN!

I need to talk a minute about the Holy Spirit. I have felt the Spirit moving in and around me all the time lately. I will read about things in the Bible and then hear them coming out of the mouth of other believers as quick as that same day. Things pop in my head and then later what I was thinking about happens. I would be afraid but instead I have a very calming feeling about it all. Nothing to tell everyone about but I wanted to make it known that this happens. I was very young when I was baptized and In the name of the Father, the Son, and The Holy Ghost............I came up out of the water changed. God never abandoned me even through the muck and the mire and I am now in a place of ONENESS with the Spirit. It is refreshing and exciting.

I watched the Spirit come into and circle around the life of a girl in middle school at Hillcrest last week. Because of the Holy Spirit whispering and nudging believers..........she is attending Church Youth Camp this week. This could only happen through the Holy Spirit nudging some to pray, some to pay, and yet others to shuffle papers and ask the right questions. She needed this and God wanted her there. It was amazing to watch and blessed to be in the middle of. Thank you God.

I have to share something else. I have been led to read Galatians 1 and the words I got there are important. I want to remain pure in my beliefs and not be misled by people who claim more than or extra than the words in the Bible.

^6-9I can't believe your fickleness—how easily you have turned traitor to him who called you by the grace of Christ by embracing a variant message! It is not a minor variation, you know; it is completely other, an alien message, a no-message, a lie about God. Those who are provoking this agitation among you are turning the Message of Christ on its head. Let me be blunt: If one of us—even if an angel from heaven!—were to preach something other than what we preached originally, let him be cursed. I said it once; I'll say it again: If anyone, regardless of reputation or credentials, preaches something other than what you received originally, let him be cursed.

I say Thank You Jesus for loving me. Thank you for showing me how to love fully. AND, please please please help me LOVE FULLY. Give me strength in my inner being to do Your work. I love you. Te quiero.

I love you all.

Ceylor Kindergarten Summer School Orientation

2010-06-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

What a fun thing. Ceylor and her big sister. We have Ruby as a Freshman in High School and Ceylor as a Kindergartner. Adorable. I love my children so very much.

It's Funny How Things work Out

2010-06-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

So, in small group Glenn shared some stuff but one of the things he brought up what how he used to feel about homosexuality. He used to scoff...to put it midly. Anyway, he said I am the person who changed his mind on that score. ODD. I sure don't remember this conversation but I have heard him repeat it a few times now. I guess I said something like.......... "Who are we to judge. Our only commandment is to Love Others. Period. And make disciples baptizing in the name of the Father Son and Holy Ghost." So, somehow we managed to talk about that a bit since we are reading the book by Gary Chapman, The Love Languages of God. Anyway, the reason I share this is because today I fell across the exact verse where this was commanded so I had to share. Mainly, I will share it because there is more to it than just LOVING. And in fact, I have found that loving intentionally is far more important than loving those we like the most. I mean that is easy right? We have to love people we can't stand.....in Jesus name. Anyway, I am jumping all over the place. Here ... I'll share the word.

Romans 13

Love, for the Day is Near

⁸Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. ⁹The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet,"and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself."¹⁰Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. ¹¹And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. ¹²The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. ¹³Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. ¹⁴Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

Oh an isn't that neat? the line about darkness to light.................. Ah!

Anyway, my friends I love you all and join me as I Love those YOU/I JUST CAN'T STAND.........

Dear God, Please keep me in your GRACE. I am lost without You. Amen.

Ceylor

2010-05-31T13:29:00.001-07:00

So wonderful to have the sprayground open again. The kids love it. Ceylor thinks its a bit cold still but willing to play anyway. It is very exciting to know she will be in kindergarten in the fall. Praise God we are in Liberty. Everyday I find more reasons to thank God for moving us here. Yesterday, we met with wonderful people in fellowship. I learned things about my husband that I never knew as he opened his heart to everyone there. The day before that we went on a beautiful ride thru the countryside with a friend. Just so blessed. So revived on this Memorial weekend. Thank God for those who served our country and paid the ultimate price. Dear Lord, please bless those families. America the beautiful. Home of the Brave.

Single Moms

2010-05-29T12:26:00.001-07:00

Thank God I am not a single Mom. I don't think I could do what these Mom's I work with have to do. The most recent graduate from Hillcrest was a single mom and she had the sweetest little 3 year old daughter. What was amazing about this gal was her determination to go to work everyday even though she was battling a flesh eating sore on her leg. She was taking such strong antibiotics to combat this sore that she had to take a pain killer just to counteract what the antibiotics were doing to her body. She was aching everywhere. BUT, she persevered. I pray that I can demonstrate the same tenacity this young mother does with her life.......in my walk with Christ. There seems to be a rejuvenating going on in my life. I am relying so very much on Christ and his promises. I KNOW BEYOND EVERYTHING I KNOW THAT I AM A CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH GOD. I am not meant to do everything. I am not good at ALL things. And, that is totally okay. I am meant to do certain things and was created for a specific purpose. I was reminded of this yesterday as I read

Romans 9

¹⁴What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! ¹⁵For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion."¹⁶It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. ¹⁷For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." ¹⁸Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.¹⁹One of you will say to me: "Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?" ²⁰But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' ²¹Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

My life is a testimony of God's Grace. Anyway, that is a big deal. It's HUGE that HE uses me to touch others. Please Lord hold tight to me..... I am a slippery fish. Keep me in your Grace.

Countdown

2010-04-26T14:58:00.001-07:00

I am utterly swamped. But the end is in sight. I am about to take a chapter test in Spanish and then a final next week. I have to turn in my project to Advertising at 7p tonight and then I'm done in that class. Thank God Glenn is home to take care of the girls in the evening. Whew! Ruby is finishing up track this month then we are home free for the summer. But right now, right this minute.....i am tired. My laundry is not done but worked all weekend at Hillcrest. A group came and painted our buildings and had a BBQ to raise money for us. I do know I have to keep a balance between all this and after next week it will even out. Pray for me in the meantime.

Thursday- Holy Week

2010-04-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

I am not a religious nut bag. I have not been cramming my beliefs down anyone's throat. I don't expect everyone to believe the way I do just as I will not take on the beliefs of others. I think a lot of it has to do with how you were raised....take for instance..... INDIA. I might be a KRISHNA follower. I have no idea. BUT I DO KNOW THIS. Jesus will come AGAIN. Not for the first time but for the second.

Today, Matthew 27:1-2, 11-61

Not a very happy passage. Something to celebrate if you ask me because without this day in history I would be toast. Without knowing that I can get to GOD's ear through this day...... thats cool. That's hardcore love to give up your son. I watched a video called the bridge on Sunday again. Pretty much sums it up,

Holy Week -Wednesday

2010-03-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today is Wednesday. Hump day. Halfway day. Middle of the week day. But unlike most churches we at Shoal Creek are having our Easter Experience tonight. Fitting. Different. Right in the middle of Jesus' really bad week leading up to his death. Today's reading is Luke 22: 7-34. Yesterday was passover and today's ready was about the last passover Jesus shared with his disciples. Guess what? He told them to be servants. He told them not to worry about who is greatest or who has the C.E.O title or the President or whatever they strive to be or have after their name on their business card. I can see it now. Simon Peter's business card. Denier of Christ on the worst day of His life and named The Rock of the Church. What a burden. Even as Jesus told Peter he would deny him 3 times he told him .... don't take it too hard and quickly snap back and be a refresher to my disciplies after my death. Whoa. Just like that.

Lord, help me serve instead of seek to be served. Humble me so I can serve more fully. I feel you working in my life, just please give me some strength. Tonight I will walk with a gal who is seeking you through the stations at Shoal Creek. Help me serve her. Thank you.

Holy Week Con't

2010-03-30T06:45:00.000-07:00

Tuesday Matthew 26:6-16

Ahhhh yes. The woman who put the costly perfume on Jesus feet. How beautiful is that!? So incredibly fitting. If only I made sure to give Jesus my very best everyday. Oh how badly I want to be incredible to Jesus. How do I do that? How do I do that in 2010? But, I believe..... I believe, I will get the chance to be incredible to someone in HIS NAME.

Today, we are celebrating the graduation of a single mom and her three children. When she came to Hillcrest she didn't even realize she was at a homeless mission. She was trying to make enough money selling her homemade hats and baskets to pay her back rent. It was near Christmas and when she came into the office (after being sent to us from our thrift store) she came into my office and I told her to sit down. I asked her what was going on.....really going on. She broke. She wept. She shook. She shared. Then she took and application and left. She didn't return for another month but realized she had no where else to turn. She was homeless. She was a victim of domestic violence and when she entered our program she gave each of her children a garbage bag and told them to fill it with their most prized possessions. They fled their apartment in fear and never went back. Later, she began to share with me the horror that was going on in her former apartment. She was scared. She still shook for many weeks. A woman at a local church reached out to her having been a victim herself in the past. She engaged and shared life with her. Today, she is graduating and is moving into her new apartment with her children and we are celebrating a changed life. She shared her inner most thoughts and fears with me recently and let me read her private journal. She had been writing to you God. She has been writing to you for years. She has finally come to you and surrendered. She wrote about it to YOU. You have been with her all the way. She is close to you and you have been carrying her. Thank you for allowing me to see your relationship with her. It is incredible. Just as the woman washing your feet with perfume is incredible. Thank you.

Dear God, thank you for letting me be in her life and watching her bloom.

Holy Week

2010-03-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

Feeling like running away from this blog but know I am just behind in reading the bible. I tried to make excuses and say I just didn't want to post about what I read but really I am just slacking. This week is the 'holy week' for believers where we remember the price Jesus paid for our salvation and what all he went through leading up to the cross. He had a bad week if you ask me. Roy has given us specific scriptures to read before Easter and I will re-ignite my blog with them.

Today is Luke 19:11-29

Holy toledo. The parable of the master who leaves and gives his money to servants. One servant doubles the money. Another made 50% more money. And one.... buried it. Scared to death he would disappoint the master. Well, he did and when the master returned he took it away from him and gave it to the one who had doubled his money.

Crap! Quite possibly I am burying the money. Lately, I have been very worried. I haven't had the faith I usually have. Glenn has been laid off and I am literally trying to decide which bills I'm NOT going to pay....or which ones are going to be late. This is new for us.

I think there is something going on with us and God is in charge....I just don't know what is going on. There are only a few things I do KNOW. I KNOW God is coming back. I KNOW everything will work out. I KNOW things are going to change....I just don't know what that looks like right now.

I want to be the servant who doubles the money. I have to step out in reckless abandon and KNOW that what I believe in is REAL. Now then that sounds Hippie Skippy but what is that in real terms. In real terms, that means I do my best at work. That means I try to build relationships where it seems impossible and keep on relying on YOU.

Thank God it only takes a Mustard Seed............

Oh no!

2010-03-12T14:27:00.001-08:00

Not even 5 hours with my passport and look what my dog did.

I'm ready to roll people

2010-03-05T08:16:00.001-08:00

Wow. I am allowed to come and go from the united states now. Wooohooooo.

Pondering

2010-03-04T08:43:00.001-08:00

Ya know people screw up. I just hope to right my wrongs before I have one of these.

Smithville

2010-03-02T12:38:00.001-08:00

The view

Smithville lake frozen

2010-03-02T09:52:00.001-08:00

On our journey

Staff Retreat

2010-03-02T09:39:00.001-08:00

Mobile blogging

2010-03-02T08:40:00.001-08:00

My blog is about to embark on a new jouney with me and my smartphone. Now i can post what i see and hear out here in Kansas City, MO. Come see what i am up to more often as i make this blog a fun place to visit.

Unknown

2010-02-01T05:36:00.000-08:00

Taking sure steps is the key. I walk as directed and cultivate relationships along my path. It seems I am usually needing help but that is the beauty. He sends the help. Now I have my own property with Hillcrest. I have resolved to write a book this year. There is a good reason. I am writing for hope. I will have a mentor to help and quite a few good writers to proofread. I tried last night and I definitely need help outlining it. I have a specific reason for writing and need to stay on task. Wish me luck.

Who Am I

2009-12-18T06:45:00.000-08:00

Who do YOU want me to be for YOU? **Stacy asking God what He wants me to be**

Multiple Readings

2009-12-10T06:11:00.000-08:00

Ya know sometimes you just feel under attack. That's when it's time to be on your knees. Last week, I was carrying in some packages and I took a step wrong and I was going down them and BAMM I was on my knees. Not the way it's supposed to work. I have been going through something and since I don't know what "it" is I know it's God doing HIS best work in me.

Read Job 12, Nahum 1-2, James 5, and 2 Timothy 1-4 today and now I can to work.

First it will be to my knees and we need to find a resident manager for our south location. It takes a special person. God please bring that person to us today (there I go putting a time constraint on his WORK....LOL). Ok, (trying again) God please bring us that person. I believe we might need to post the job again. You know what is best. God help us help these people.

Today meeting with a gal who came to us with nothing more than a suitcase. She had been released from jail after having been extradited here from her home in Georgia for back child support. She is on probation and is not allowed to leave the state. She has no family to support her. She doesn't even have a change of underwear. Today I will meet with her and get her on the track to becoming a productive member of society. She has been walking in the snow to fast food restaurants trying to get a job. Dedication? What do you think? Last resort? God comes to those in their time of need and today God is sending me. Peace to you all. I love you so very enthusiastically.

God let me have discernment today as I meet these ladies who NEED so very much. Thank you for your SON who I can look to for examples. How did you do that....thank you for loving me enough and more to take care of me like you do. You Rock. Thanks for being my friend too and not condemning me. Thank you for correcting me gently and lovingly. Let me do the same to others you want me to shine on. In your precious name....AMEN.

Happy Birthday MOM

2009-11-30T05:44:00.001-08:00

So, yea, what's it to ya?! I got a beautiful Mom. But hey that's not all. I have a Mom that is encouraging, loving, and quick to jump in and help anyone. YEA! Today is her birthday and she doesn't even come close to looking her age and I can only hope I hold up as well. She has moved closer to me out here in the Midwest with her new husband. They rock and being with them is so relaxing. Yep, my Mom has always been a great hostess and always welcomes others into her home. One of these days we will be able to spend time together (as soon as we slow down....ha!). Anyway, this her day and I wanted to take a moment and honor her on her day this year.

I normally talk about my reading of he day and today was from Romans chapter 1 and 2. It can seem a bit accusatory so I will let you read it yourself and get what you get today. I like to think my God gives me just enough that makes me see the point and then hopefully I run with the knowledge and NOT DO IT AGAIN. Today I am charged with bringing others to YOU and that is my true calling. That is everyone's calling but not all are listening.

If you could please send the angels they would be helpful today as the families I serve at work are struggling to make it work. We lost 3 people this weekend and there is nothing we can do about that but look to helping those who are left. Lord, I pray you give me the words and insight to be who you want me to be at work. Nothing less and nothing more. Please be the ONE giving me the words and not another. Amen.

Graduates Rock

2009-11-11T05:48:00.000-08:00

There was a 20 year old girl sitting in front of me with a 4 week old baby on her lap and a 2 year old twirling around in the chair next to her. She had no where to go. All the shelters were full. She could not stay with her family as they already exceeded the allowable amount of tenants in the apartment. She was homeless. BUT she was determined. I know what that looks like now. She had no childcare, no job, and no car. BUT she is beautiful. She had a high school diploma but no cell phone. BUT she knew what she wanted for her children. She needed a chance. Yesterday, we had the awesome opportunity to celebrate her graduation as she did get a job. She did get childcare. She paid off debt. She has savings now. She has a HOME now. Her baby is 4 months old now and her other child turned 3. OH...and she did all this on the bus. I am around people I would call a hero. They are normal people overcoming great things and becoming heroes to their children. I am so lucky!

Dear God, Thank you for allowing me the chance to serve these families. Please give me the strength and the stuff I need today to help them help themselves to a bright future. Above all, help me find the way to bring them to you. Help me show them YOU. Amen.

Happy Birthday Dad

2009-11-06T05:51:00.000-08:00

So, my dad is real cool. He likes to sail and loves his wife very much. It's his birthday today and I wish I was closer to him (in distance because in my heart I am very close). Anyway, I hope he is having a lovely day today.

I love that lately I get confirmation over and over of belief. Yummy like sprinkled donuts yum. Right now I am drinking a cup of Folgers with french vanilla creamer. I do it everyday. I think it might be a ritual. Or I have switched addictions. Or it might just make me feel grown up.....lol. Either way, here I sit.

I want you to read something ... if you don't mind. I think sometimes that if I put the whole chapter up you won't read it....but if I just put up a section you don't get the whole enchilada.

Yes, it's about believing.

Galatians 3

1You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. 2I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? 3Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? 4Have you suffered so much for nothing—if it really was for nothing? 5Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?
6Consider Abraham: "He believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness." 7Understand, then, that those who believe are children of Abraham. 8The Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: "All nations will be blessed through you." 9So those who have faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.

God, I know you are there. I know you are watching over me. Please bless those at Hillcrest with crazy unexplainable love today. I can't wait to watch to see what happens today through You. AMEN.

UGH

2009-11-03T05:38:00.001-08:00

I quit taking a RX that I have been on for awhile. I think it is messing with me. I take it to sleep but it is really a mood stablizer. I don't want a mood stablizer. I want to feel. I have been dreaming all night lately. And guess what.....last night it was in Spanish. I know I bit it on my Spanish test. It was difinately the hardest test I have had so far in Espanol. UGH.

I read this morning about the betrayal of Jesus by Peter.Twrice! What a horrible ordeal for Jesus. I can imagine what Peter felt like too. He was probably so miserable. He was so devoted and then BAMM.... denied his true love.

Lord, help me through this long day. Help me. Just be with me and give me words. Stay real near. Amen.

Believe-Faith

2009-11-02T05:31:00.000-08:00

Ok, like all you have to do is totally believe. I found it interesting that many of my girls are unstable when it comes to faith-belief in God. They were positive there are aliens, ghosts, evil spirits, and love.... but Jesus was someting not to sure about. UGH! Then, I found there to be utter pain and misery in these 6th-7th grade lives. It brought me to tears....along with a few other girls. Then I realized how much they TRUST me and the GROUP. Let the chorus sing "Doo doo doo doo da doot doot doot doot". I even heard one girl say that her friend (that she brought the previous Sunday) couldn't believe how much we shared what is really going on. Can I get a Wooo Hoooo? But...this was serious. They were iffy on Jesus. Then we talked about the miracle from yesterdays reading in Mark 9 with the boy thrashing around foaming at the mouth and his father says to Jesus, "If you can.....help". I kind a pretended I was Jesus and what that encounter might of sounded like in our times....like duh! "If". We talked about belief and how powerful it is. If you believe in Jesus .... then..... It the classical If.....then statement that I studied in Logic class about a year ago. There it is in text from over 2000 years ago. TIGHT!

Anyway, check this out. I got another dose again today of belief-faith. Mark 11
when Jesus had cursed the fig tree because it did not have any fruit on it when he went to get some. (which I find odd anyway to curse a tree) Anyway, those that were watching and heard him say that were surprised-realized-noticed-pointed out-acknowledged-were shocked that the fig treee had actually whitered up the next day as they were leaving. So, there is it. Jesus told them to HAVE FAITH and you can tell (he didn't say ask) a mountain to jump into the sea and it will. Ok? Got it? Believe it.

Lord, I ask you to give me a heart of true belief. I know you are with me. I know you chose me to do your work here on earth. Remind my heart that all I have to do is TELL and it will be so because you are at work through me. You are amazing. Let's go see what we can do today. I love you. Amen.

miracles

2009-11-01T06:04:00.000-08:00

Today found me on my knees this morning. I totally want to be the person HE wants me to be and the only way to get the help from HIM and direction is through HIM. There is no better self-help book than to read HIS WORD. It's Sunday and I lead 6th-7th grade girls. I need to turn to GOD more when I have questions. I find that people pray for what they want and I heard it compared to treating GOD like a vending machine. I don't want to do that either. I find it strange that once upon a time just being clean and not hurting people and not breaking the law and being nice to people was enough. In fact, I felt better than others. Can you imagine that? How empty. Now that is no where near what is going on. I am completely sure I am not doing everything GOD wants me to do. I am tired and have to ask for strength. I am not sure what to do about the conflicts in my life. Others talk of 'not doing anything' is not a solution and I am thinking 'talking/doing something about it' is just inciting a riot. I don't have the words. I don't want it to be about me....so I'm on my knees. Today the verses threw me answers straightway. I found comfort.

Psalms 121:1-2

I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.

Then I read Mark 9 and 10 and heard of miracles TO THE BELIEVING. I make that in caps because even Jesus said to the father who was requesting help from Jesus. The father sort of said Hey if you can.....please have pity on us and help us. Jesus was like all.... "IF I CAN?" The Jesus said, "Everything is possible for him who believes."

Such a simple statement but it is so very deep. If you don't believe it will not happen.

I believe with all my heart. I think the way my step mom believes is amazing too. She has been so very sick but every time I talk to her she is getting closer to God and saying positive things and saying she BELIEVES this is going to be the last surgery and this is going to work. Knowing that believing is a key ingredient from GOD .... I believe as well.

Father, help me. You are my strength and with you helping me I will make it. I will be the person you want me to be. Please use the billboard approach with me so I know what you want me to do. Amen

All Hallows Eve

2009-10-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

Today is the famous scripture of the demons possesing a man and Jesus sent them running into a herd of pigs then off the cliff. Yep....yikes-yuck. Here read for yourself in the Message version. It makes more sense. I have highlighted the part that stuck to my bones this time around. I have read this many times but something new stuck out off the page.

Mark 5

The Healing of a Demon-possessed Man

1They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. 2When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil spirit came from the tombs to meet him. 3This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him any more, not even with a chain. 4For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.
6When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7He shouted at the top of his voice, "What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? Swear to God that you won't torture me!" 8For Jesus had said to him, "Come out of this man, you evil spirit!"
9Then Jesus asked him, "What is your name?"
"My name is Legion," he replied, "for we are many." 10And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area.
11A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. 12The demons begged Jesus, "Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them." 13He gave them permission, and the evil spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.
14Those tending the pigs ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, and the people went out to see what had happened. 15When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. 16Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man—and told about the pigs as well. 17Then the people began to plead with Jesus to leave their region.
18As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. 19Jesus did not let him, but said, "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you." 20So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

So anyway....today is the day before Halloween. Such a fitting story about possession and demons and all of this true. All of this and the man freed from the chains. Can you imagine living in a graveyard and wandering around in chains and beating yourself with rocks? THat is horror story stuff. That is insane and sounds like a freaking horror show. But this stuff is real. So the part in orange is the part that rings true this time. If I came across someone that had freed me from demons that ripped apart my flesh I would totally what to follow him wherever he went forever AMEN. I would probably fall on the ground and cry big crocadile tears in order to gain permission to follow him. I would not go quietly back to my so-called-family that probably didn't enjoy being around me after everything I put them through with demons and whatnot. BUT that is what Jesus asked him to do....go back to his family and tell them. I bet it didn't take much talking to figure out all Jesus had done for him. I mean I bet the family was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. .... just thinking.

Tomorrow is a video production of graduates at Hillcrest. WOW! This are some awesome people. They have overcome so much and will be telling their stories tomorrow. I am so priviledged to witness their lives freed from the chains they imprisoned theirselves with. ROCK ON and Peace to you all.

God, Father, Abba, Friend......help me tomorrow. I want them to shine in your name. AMEN.

Conflict

2009-10-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

Being pushed and pulled and internally challenged. I am not who Jesus wants me to be. I do not do enough to lead others to HIM. If I am only on this earth to love others and lead others to Christ then why to I have all this self ambition? It is empty and no one will ever be filled by the lip service of others. I serve broken families. I see hurt and pain everyday. I also see life transformation in its most rudimentary form. There are so many organizations serving the homeless in Kansas City. I however have what my director calls a 'front row seat' watching the lives change before me. If it was not for the belief of all the donors in KC of the value of Hillcrest these lives would go untouched. I have an opportunity to touch lives everyday. Today I was reading Mark 1. I find it interesting that Jesus wasted no time in gathering his disciples right after he was tempted in the wilderness.

He called and they dropped what they were doing.
He walked and healed people everywhere.
He went up against the beliefs of the time and challenged others to follow HIM
He was not popular with a lot of people.

I want to be like HIM. I find a lot of comfort in having people like me. WHY? I feel a grinding soul shredding sand paper thing going on with most people around me because I have no desire to be like them at all....except the people I am serving. It does not feel good. I want to change things from the comfortable conforming chameleon catharsis happening in lives around me.I do not want to be a clone. Who are they looking to for love? Who is filling them up? Who is filling me up?

Lord, please come today and fill me with your words and your presence. I need you all the time. You are the one who directs my steps and leads me where you want me to go. YOU planted me in Missouri for your purpose. Give me the words to follow through and bring others to YOU. They are in front of me everyday. Help me. I LOVE YOU.

Ruby at the Pep Rally

2009-10-09T19:15:00.000-07:00

It was Homecoming Pep Rally today at Ruby's school. Nana and I loved watching and had a hard time fighting back tears of joy-proud-happy-impressed-proud-fun time.

Passion

2009-10-01T06:12:00.000-07:00

Man o man. In case you didn't know, I have passion. Yep, I have passion for a few things. One of them is art and the other would have to be hands-down-no-question-about-it.....homelessness. It was awesome last week going and meeting Paula, Marvin, Nico, Jeff, Chris, and Jesse. The rest of them I didn't get to really talk to but I have since returned and filled a request for candles to Paula. Of course, I am more apt to respond to the female. It's not easy being on the streets as a woman and most people think they must be idle in the mind....but it's not true. I was one of those women on the street.....and I don't think myself crazy. (I know that can be argued) Anyway, since last Saturday I have fallen across scripture after scripture calling to help the needy. Yep, it started in LUKE 12 and today in LUKE 14 I hear it again. Yep, I'm sensitive to it and yep, I hear it loud and clear. Yes, I am very blessed and daily I am listening and asking GOD for guidance on the correct course in every affair. Of course, I suck at things like paying off credit card debt and making dinner everynight but I am trying. But, what I don't suck at is.....listening. When I get pointed in the right direction I shoot out like a cannon. I am quick to act when necessary and quick to respond to the hurting. HIS WORD fills me up or I wouldn't be able to do what I do. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any friends and feel lonely......but my reward is in Heaven and I can't wait.

LUKE 14: 12-14
12Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

It has turned out to be a blessing serving with 6th-7th grade girls on Sunday morning. When I first started we were doing parables. That was fun. Today I read a parable and it spoke yet again on the same topic of the needy vs. not-needy people.

The Parable of the Great Banquet (Still in LUKE 14)

15When one of those at the table with him heard this, he said to Jesus, "Blessed is the man who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God."
16Jesus replied: "A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. 17At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, 'Come, for everything is now ready.'
18"But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, 'I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.'
19"Another said, 'I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I'm on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.'
20"Still another said, 'I just got married, so I can't come.'
21"The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, 'Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.'
22" 'Sir,' the servant said, 'what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.'
23"Then the master told his servant, 'Go out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in, so that my house will be full. 24I tell you, not one of those men who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.' "

I am very excited to report something. I will be attending the Homeless Convention in Jefferson City in the Capital Building in November. I will be an advocate for homelessness through Hillcrest with Jesus holding my hand. PEACE

Dear God, I pray that I will be able to do what you want my hands and feet to go. Please give me the strength to listen and respond appropriately with families facing homelessness. I love you and thank you for your SON. Amen.

Liberty Fall Festival

2009-09-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

Oh, it was great. I have never appreciated a local homegrown festival more than this. Being from So Cal its hard to find the down home favor of a town as I did tonight. I even took pictures for you. Ruby was hard to find but when someone had their Italian Greyhounds on display I snapped a picture of her. LOL Ceylor is a hamm for the camera so she is 'easy'. Thank goodness for the person who tied a balloon around her arm or I truly would never have been able to find her a few times. Luckily, I got a lot done on my Spanish homework or I wouldn't have been able to go. Too cool I tell ya.

Anyway today also found a group of us down in KC giving a bite to eat to those who call the streets their home. We will go again next week.

WOW we have some work to do

2009-09-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

What am I doing?

2009-09-03T09:23:00.000-07:00

I posted on Facebook that I wanted to know if God was on Facebook. If he was/is I wanted him to add me as a friend. I want HIM to put a BILLBOARD with very specific instructions on what he wants me to do. Sometimes I wander around and get my feet in multiple pots. That sucks cuz then I am spread too thin. Today I didn't do the daily bible reading because it is in Ezekiel and Revelation and I don't understand that stuff.....so I went to bible gateway and the verse of the day spoke to me more than the others.....so I got what I need. It said....

“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.”- Isaiah 48:17

So, when HE wants to get to you ..... you have to read the WORD or else he can not speak to you. So, there was my confirmation that he is speaking to me and that he will direct me where he wants me to go. I know I have been participating in many things at church and wonder what direction I should be going in order to make a difference. I love being with the 6th-7th grade girls and want to be there for them. Never thought I would be saying that. But, it's true. They are opening up to me and have found me to be a "safe place."

At work I am trying to find my voice and what that delicate balance of self disclosure looks like when dealing with broken individuals/families. I am someone who is walking the walk and not just talking the talk. I am shying away from being a certain way or projecting an image so I can come in service and be at the level of the families I am there for. I probably appear nonchalant and whimsical, however, that is a facade because I am actually very serious when it come to their lives changing. I know what it really means to change from the inside out and really do know what that looks like and can bridge that gap for others. I just wish I was able to do more. I want to figure out what more looks like in terms of being available. However, I think it might just be as simple as allowing my cell phone number to be used after hours.

I had to step away from the desk-and-have-some-down-time-reconnect-explore-imagine-breathe-read-love-stroll-around-the-grocery-store-for-no-reason-at-all time. Even fit in time for a freaking hair cut. Imagine that!

Ruby is my shining star right now. In and amongst all the rest of my life she is at the very center making it all turn around. She is truly shining right now. I am so excited to watch her bloom this year. (Yep, she would be mortified I used the word bloom!)

For those of you out there in cyber land who have not had the privilege of meeting Miss Charlotte....here she is. She is a sweetie and when she gets out of the backyard (like all the time) she patiently waits for us on the front steps for us to return home. I can not believe how God gives us what we need in all things. You might know we lost Eva on March 12th of this year and she was a bundle of love in this family. Ruby, selected Charlotte on her birthday this year and she has fit right in perfectly....except for one problem. She is deathly afraid of men. We got her from a rescue shelter and apparently she was abused as a pup....and it must have been a male who was abusing her. We are working on making her safe with men again. Glenn is an avid dog LOVER and trying to make her feel safe. What a great guy. He spends all his time making sure the women in his life are safe.......and know the dog too. LOL With that I leave you and wish you a happy Labor Day! PEACE

Isaiah 58 6-12

2009-08-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

^6-9"This is the kind of fast day I'm after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts.
What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' ^9-12"If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people's sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
make the community livable again.

Chick Fil A

2009-08-13T14:56:00.001-07:00

I have never had a Chick Fil A sandwich in my life. They have this fast food place in Calif and I never saw fit to stop there. No real hipe about it either. I mean we had IN-N-Out Burger for goodness sakes. Anyway, I saw they were building one here awhile ago, and I thought....ehhhh whatever. Now, yesterday, mind you, I was driving home a different way than usual and glanced over in that direction and I could not believe my eyes. I would have thought they were giving out 100 dollars bills when the place opens today. I mean....what?!?!?!? Who knew that Chick Fil A had such a following and that the citizens of Liberty, Mo were so deprived of their Chick Fil A as to camp out to await its opening. I think I will just file this happening under 'J' for Jeeshhhh!

Call me Trippin'

2009-08-09T11:34:00.000-07:00

I am sitting with my daughter watching Degrassi on 'the N' which is a channel offered through Time Warner on channel 245. This program is about high school kids. But, this particular show is about two 16 year old children/teenagers/kids that are telling her parents they are pregnant and going to move in together. Meanwhile, I am playing FARKLE on facebook and flipping out quietly. Like this is totally normal and everything is going to be okay. I have just FARKLE'd like 6 times in a row cuz I am trying to act normal. It's strange. I can listen to people have the most F'd up situations in life at work but I am blowing it in my own home. I don't remember ever watching shows like this when I was 13. Maybe it will help Ruby know what to do when these situations pop up in real life. I can't believe this is a series and I have never heard of it. This is more insane than the '16 and Pregnant' series on MTV. Luckily, I just scored 7,550 on FARKLE and I can put it away. Know what else? Ceylor is downstairs being homeschooled on the computer and she is at the Kindergarten level. Yep, and she is only 4 and doesn't go to school until next year. Where at that time will most likely be at the 1st grade level or higher. Very precocious that child! I have advanced children. What on earth am I gonna do?

Nuella

2009-08-06T18:02:00.000-07:00

I don't usually do this but I have to spotlight someone in my life. Her name is Nuella and she is a blessing straight from the ALMIGHTY GOD himself. She came to Hillcrest wanting to budget counsel but ended up being our part time phone answering/message making/volunteer greeting/resident praying/sweet smiling/heart tugging follower of Christ. She has managed to come on at Hillcrest and fit like a glove for what we needed in the office. She gives me strength and if I could explain something to you.....she knows THINGS. She knows and listens to our FATHER and lends an ear and gives advice in spoonfuls even I can swallow. She has a temperament that I have not seen in anyone in a long time and I have been keeping track. If you would like to meet someone who will brighten your day come talk to Nuella. She is the one who will go to the peoples houses (who are not living right) and show them the way. She will return over and over to make sure the path she has set them on is being followed. She is the one who will open her house to one who is astray and lead them back to our FATHER. I have never seen a more patient, right living, God-fearing, age defying, knowing person as I have after spending time with Nuella. I know she has a back story. I know she wasn't always the person I see today. I know she would probably shirk at what I am writing now.....but I want you all to know. I have met another person that I want to be like when I am older. Or maybe, someone I want to be like now. She loves God and anyone who meets her KNOWS that. THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME THE EXAMPLE OF NUELLA IN MY LIFE. Peace to you all I love you very much.

Two in one day???????

2009-07-31T18:02:00.000-07:00

Ok seriously, I could shoot myself ... but I don't have a gun.

Today needs to be put to bed. I thought I knew what I was doing at the beginning of the day and I would have it all done and wrapped up with a nice bow. Reports done, people behaving, kids playing on the playground, just happy, RIGHT!?!?! Nope, not where I work!

First meeting derailed by non-compliance in the form of unapproved guest sleeping overnight.

First meeting also derailed by a call to the police department to report stolen property in the form of a printer. (and the most interesting thing about that cop was he was curious about the choice of the printer. He said there were way more $ worthy things in the office to steal and there they were-the higer $ items-still there)

Second meeting (albeit improptu) was really cool. A gold mine I tell you. That reminds me, I heard someone call me a goldmine 2 times in my life. One time was by a pimp who said that all women are sitting on a goldmine and we don't even know it. (I guess he wasn't talking specifically to me...but to all women in general)--Took me a minute to figure out, like you probably are right now---but I got it. The next time was by my professor in Journalism. We were doing profiles on the person sitting to our left and I got a homeschooled clarinet player. She got..... an earfull. I never will understand while I told that girl so much. I think I secretly wanted to see her squirm. Anyway, when she turned in her paper the professor said he wanted to take a minute to point out that someone in the room was a goldmine and if someone wanted a good story they would interview me.

Then, I went to the office and tried to make sense of what happened this week. HA! Yeah! Thats when I realized I really need a vacation. I am scared to death that I am about to go back to school from summer vacation and I didn't manage my summer appropriately. I didn't take any down time. I didn't stop and smell the roses. And, let me tell you that is freaking important in Missouri! They don't stay around all year like they do in California. Rose smelling is seasonal around this camp.

Anyway, back to the whole reason I have two posts in one day.

This is that psycho week where we have Ruby's birthday (she's magic number 13). Glenn's birthday he is now the ripe age of 54 (perfect for picking off the vine). AND we had an anniversary which makes 6. Six insanely kid chasing, Harley riding, move making, clean living, right talking, dog chasing years. I might add that you take out the trash and the recycling 312 times in 6 years. For those of you who have lived with the same person double, triple, or even quadruple that amount of years.......you deserve a medal. If you still share the same bedroom I think you should get two medals.

HA! Just thought you deserved the update of this years milestone.

But back to my day......Ceylor is Ceylor.

Need I say more. Love you all very much.

You Can't Bring Me Down

2009-07-31T06:11:00.002-07:00

When I was younger one of the first concerts I ever went to was "Suicidal Tendencies" at the Irvine Amphitheatre in Irvine, Ca. It was amazing! I don't remember who the opening band was....barely even remember too much about the concert. But today I woke up with one of their songs in my head. OH YEAH! You...can't....bring....me...down...bring me down...you can't bring me down.

That could almost be the theme song for the day. Stuff is crowding my little pea brain and it could pop any minute splashing brain goo all over whoever is unforunately to be standing next to me. But, it's gonna be ok.

Gotta a guy in the program whose dad was a "wanna be" gangster back. One day, when this guy was 15 yrs old, another gangster came up and blew his dad's brains out while standing next to him in a parking garage in Atlantic City.

Another girl in the program was camping with her 5 girls (ages 12-2) in a campground before she finally got pointed in the right direction.

Yet another girl has been drinking and saying other people are the ones doing the transgressions on property and .....BOOM .... we find out the real truth.

I actually have painful stuff going on too...... wreckage of the past totally real and in my face.

So, I am grateful there is a loving God I can run to and seek asylum from all this. At the end of that day you can't bring me down cuz..........I am a friend of God.

I truly love you all.

More Ink

2009-07-26T17:57:00.001-07:00

Yep, got more ink. My girl Brandy there putting down some sweet hearts. She is getting better and better. I am proud of her. This brings me to the topic of tattoos. I found something on a website of a local church here I am gonna share. Albeit that all my tattoos are Faith based...at least to me they are. The cherry tree blossom could be debated but I have my reasons...aside from its beauty. I will leave you with their words.

What do you think about tattoos?This might seem silly, but I am asked this question enough that I felt it merited a little space on our site.
The Scripture often sited as to why Christians should not get tattoos is Leviticus 19:28. In the KJV it states, "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord. In the NASB it states, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord." This is the only verse that comes anywhere close to even mentioning this practice. Why does it mention it? Tattooing and body piercing were commonly done for the dead in Egypt as part of their religion.
R.K. Harrison (author of Tyndale Old Testament commentaries: Leviticus) states the following on the verses in question:
"The ancient world was burdened unbelievably by gross superstition of this sort, which had absolutely no place in the life of a nation dedicated to obey the One and only true God... The shaping of the hair on the temples and beard or the incising of patterns on the skin, formed part of pagan mourning practices and as such were prohibited. The disfiguring of the skin, which probably included some emblems of pagan deities, dishonoured the divine image in a person, and was forbidden because it did not reflect God's holiness. Bereavement must be accepted as part of God's will for the individual's life, and no attempt must be made to propitiate the deceased in any way." I find it interesting that those who use this verse to make their point that tattoos are always wrong, never seem to call to attention verse 27 that states, "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard." Apparently having long side-burns and an even longer beard is just not as important as having tattoos to these folks. By the way, I'm constantly trimming my facial hair in weird new designs, am I dishonouring God by doing this?The word translated 'mark' or 'tattoo' in these verses is the Hebrew word, "qa'aqu" and it is a masculine noun referring to a mark, and it indicates incised marks or patterns on a person's body. Obviously, "incised" means to make or cut into with a sharp tool, to carve into a surface, to engrave (Webster's New Riverside Dictionary). Thus, the latter part of this verse seems to be re-stating the former part, which basically says, "don't make any cuttings in your flesh". Does this sound like it is describing the modern practice of tattooing? You tell me.

One last point: The statement, "I am the Lord" is repeated fifteen times in this chapter of only thirty-seven verses, a statement through which we are reminded that as Lord, God not only had the wisdom to establish laws He knew would lead to the happiness of holiness, but that He had the power to enforce them as well. The truth is that God loves His people and wants His very best for them. God's people had been in slavery for many years. Their former 'masters' would oftentimes 'mark' their slaves, much like modern-day farmers 'mark' their cattle, in order to show whom they belonged. God, in these verses, seems to be stating (15 times to be exact) that His people don't have any other master... "He is their Lord" - "He is their Master". They shouldn't be 'marking' themselves in any way which associates them with their pagan past or their pagan present culture.

Taken from this website. DESPERATION CHURCH

I love you all very much.

YIKES!

2009-07-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

Scary stuff. I am a leader for 6th-7th grade girls on Sunday mornings. Scary to most. Just a challenge really to get them all on the same topic at the same time. We drift sometimes but that is okay. Then today I read James 3. Ok,being a teacher is scary stuff. What if I say the wrong thing and then...who knows. Lord, help me to direct them into the light and feel your perfect LOVE. It's getting to know you Sunday and pray that I really listen to these girls and seek to understand first before I am understood. PEACE. Just so you know why I feel on task.....

James 3

Taming the Tongue

1Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.
3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.

5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Two Kinds of Wisdom

13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Bloom Where You are Planted

2009-07-15T19:01:00.001-07:00

The girls and I planted some seeds this past spring. It was fast and furious I tell you but the growing has taken time. What fun it is to watch and see the different flowers pop up. CUZ you know there was no order at all to which they were planted. Ceylor was smashing and squishing and slamming the seeds in the dirt. Then I had a meticulous other daughter who painstakingly positioned each seed in its own individual pod and transplanted each to a bigger pot as they grew....yep, two totally different kids. JUST LIKE US. Wow. Bloom where you are planted! Ruby took this picture today. Her favorite flower is a Lily and says she is going to name her first child Lily as well. I am impressed.....that she plans on having children and that she is going to have a girl. I had the feeling I was going to be a Grandma to a troop of homeless wayward dogs that Ruby adopted. Anyway, today Ceylor said it was her turn to pray at dinner. It has been her turn a lot lately....and she is dead serious about it.

Ceylor: "Dear God, Thank you for creating the Earth."

C: "And God, sorry we didn't help...but you had to make us first...so sorry bout that."

C: "And thank you Jesus for everything, AMEN."

So, I have no idea why we think we need to pray....like we could do any better. I am so freaking blessed and shown God's PURE LOVE daily in ways it would take me a book to write. I am just so grateful the flowers that Ceylor planted came up just as good as the ones Ruby planted.....BEAUTIFUL! I love you all. PEACE and Jesus come quick.....please.

Thankful and its not even Thanksgiving

2009-07-08T07:12:00.000-07:00

Psalm 100

A Thanksgiving Psalm

^1-2 On your feet now—applaud God! Bring a gift of laughter,
sing yourselves into his presence.

³ Know this: God is God, and God, God.
He made us; we didn't make him.
We're his people, his well-tended sheep.

⁴ Enter with the password: "Thank you!"
Make yourselves at home, talking praise.
Thank him. Worship him.

⁵ For God is sheer beauty,
all-generous in love,
loyal always and ever.

Decyfer Down - Fading

2009-06-30T08:12:00.000-07:00

I hear this song on the radio and I have to blast it. It's not a whiny cry-ie blubbering song to God but rather a gut wretching plea and earnest request to be heard. I cry out to you God. I know you are listening. Help those around me suffering from addiction, divorce, depression, and any other form of pain. Lift them up I am begging. My soul is aching so please lift them up. Thank You! I truly love you all so very much. PEACE

Today reading Titus there is the age old debate of literal text and meaning versus progressive women got to work thinking. I do gravitate toward the other points being that we remain upright fighting addiction that is so subtle. It lies somewhere between 2 or 3 glasses of alcohol......sobriety is such a hot topic. Lord save me from what I've become. Strip me of self-righteousness.... listen to the song. PEACE